Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Home Sweet Home

"It is quite unbelievable, how destiny has its own way of teaching lessons."
Just mid-August , I was feeling as if a force was pulling me to my home, in spite of best of my tries not to. The food wasn't a concern; so weren't the mosquitoes anymore ,they had to become a habit ; when you have started loving life ,these are least concerns .
And just one month later I was dying to go home ,as if some irresistible force was stopping me in IIT, despite my maximum efforts to sway away from that force.
I didn't interact with my family the same way it used to be all these days ,before shifting my home to IIT ,but now it looked like a mere formality to me ,going there ,rediscovering the taste of lavish food and bringing a lot of it with self, for my time here.
But the next one was entirely different ,first of all travel was better than previous time ,last time we had boarded a taxi, 8 of us ,which turned up 8 hours late , acceptable when it comes to Delhi traffic. This time it was again Shatabdi ,again after so many years,that too with a friend , who never ever rode a train earlier .
At home , I felt guilty for not revealing my marks ,but just hints were enough ,when the word 'fail' comes out of the mouth of an intelligent child ,they know immediately what they should do, is consoling rather than shouting. I got some encouragement ,after all ,it's parents surely who understand their child's psychology far better than anyone else can ,especially friends ,who living an individualistic life of the same age ,often value their personal life above others. I laughed there ,enjoyed ,same way as I do here and there I had the luxuries and no studies imposing my mind.
Not only minors were the reason of prime-most concern ,some unhealthy interactions also contributed to it and it's not about ragging when I mention about it. It is more about with teachers . There was a clash of thoughts between me and teachers out there ,things that should be far away from a first year-ite at IIT. And it was due to inadequate behavior ,somewhat challenging teachers, not by asking questions about the topic ,but ones which often created a trap for the teacher how to get out of this nonsense , nowhere near to studies. Also it was due to my inadequate performance as in ED ,where the old fellow checking tut sheets almost burst at me, when I asked him that I thought ,I deserved more than a 7/10 the third time .Fuck , the transparent system. Those words look good only on paper. Otherwise ,some seniors were now good friends ,but some too uncomfortable with that unwanted habit of speaking the unwanted ,those witty one-liners ,asked me to fuck off . It wouldn't have been a concern if it was only that, because slangs are as equal usage as other words ,but it was that expression which spoke 'Don't clash with me ,I have the power to ruin your remaining life'.I felt guilty for not tying my tongue- in front of the seniors ,but having a guilt is far worse than committing the act.It eats you for days.
Of course from my home ,I brought too many things including posters of sport stars, to give my IIT room ,a home-like feeling where you encounter a poster every 5 seconds. All I could say after that trip was 'I love my family' and I want to be as much with them as much as away from them.
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2 comments:

chris said...

nyc...my sentiments xctly u no.......i mean love bein at home bt aftr 2 days want 2 go bak n on d last day again dont wanna go........still cant decide if lyf was btr at home or here...i mean all freedom n frndz here bt still somethings amiss.....i gess family is addictive

abhas said...

forgot 2 mention d name....abhas

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