Saturday, March 7, 2009

Maturing

"We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything." -Murphy's Law

Sorry about that confusing heading ,but its not at all about biological maturity.Neither it is about how I've started taking responsibilities ,compared to the fact- I didn't do a single thing at home.True I have ,but not worth mentioning.Anyways.
I was never like that .I was always under the illusion ,I had known myself quite well .
A line of my profile out here reads " I rarely take things to heart".
Yeah for the past 17 years , I had never sighed at being excluded ,hearing all sorts of nonsense about me and so much of it ,I was always cheerful.
But here at IIT,as I had earlier emphasized ,its ability to destroy my profile into a bunch of past description, here it continues.
At 18 ,I am mature enough now and now feelings have become stronger.I've started feeling the pain. I had started believing once,I had been one of the mean persons in the world. But now I feel ,I was far away from being mean,on viewing the rest of the world. And who to start with ,other than my friends ,the ones composing my closest environment .When it came to academics ,I had seen it earlier itself ,how mean they could be .
In times of depression ,they always patted on the back ,consoling ,promising to be the first to step ahead in my crisis, but when shattered I entered someone's abode ,all I got were remarks on how busy they were ,and how they 'd their own lives .Ya true ,but the second before I entered ,they were all involved in various ways of time pass, which turned into urgent work ,the moment ,the door opened. It's not some grudge against me ,but their most natural behavior ,its the same every time except for when they are getting something for a 'deal'.
My room has always contained one of the best resources of food and my concern for my 'friends' overflowed ,when I brought a huge box of almonds only for them from my home .They all ate it as if their earned property, and I never bothered about it .But what bothered me now was my room mate Siddharth Nandecha. I had been sharing my troubles with this guy and most part of my food ,which the rest of the wing ,didn't even knew existed .
But recently,he brought a Maggi ,'staple food of an IITian' and closed the room to avoid others to enter. However shutting me out wasn't possible ,roomie means 'sharing' .But as I asked for some of it , a 'NO' was what I heard .Considering it as a joke ,I asked again ,again to hear the same answer. My ego threw myself out of the room ,to leave him digest all the Maggi himself .
Worse ,next day ,four of my friends (including Nandecha again) cooked 4 Maggis ,and as I entered the room ,no one asked me for having a share of it .Sure ,I could've eaten it ,without being asked, but again what stopped me was my ego .
How quickly do people forget everything .I had watched myself change after entering here, as I had taken so much to sharing and here I was returning from their room ,as a spectator ,of this evil ,selfish world .
Its not that I am hungry for Maggi and feel sad on not getting it -(I've eaten one a day for the whole of my life),as may appear from the above description .Indeed,it was only one of the incidents ,I sighted out here ,there has a been a bunch of these ,another example being shown the path out of my room by my other roommate,making me feel ,survival out here as a compulsion.
Surely ,its true,I have started taking even petty issues to heart, increasing my notion of life being a struggle.

2 comments:

pgm said...

"Surely ,its true,I have started taking even petty issues to heart, increasing my notion of life being a struggle."
These phases are SOOOO sucky! The worst part is that there never seems to be a solution! And the more you tell yourself its petty, the more it seems to trouble you..
Btw, I saw myself largely in your earlier description of your friends. The part about people doing timepass, until asked for a favour. Dunno how/why/when I got like that...

Siddharth Bhattacharya said...

you suck at all those times ,during CSL assignments and I hope you get back to your original ways and don't take to escaping on the day of assignment submission

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