Friday, March 6, 2009

Taming of the Shrew

"Love melts the cruelest, arrogance boils the softest."
Its not an article referring to Shakespeare's work and commenting on what he could 've done in it. Indeed I acknowledge the fact,this article should have been named 'Taming of the Leo',but the heading makes it readable enough.
When Angels fall to Demons, Da Vinci Code is lost forever, Digital Fortress conquers NSA then sun stops shining ,lion stops roaring and arrogance turns into shame. (Sorry I couldn't help fan following for Dan Brown ).

A good example of this being me.
Arrogant as I had been ,justifying my Leo tag (who's not if possessing some talents), I had been always somewhere near to what I had aimed for ,my intelligence never letting me down. But here at IIT, land of converses, worsts and destruction ,ever since I entered this: arrogance gave me nothing other than shame ,and not because others criticized me for that,actually I didn't care had they said me ,but because I realized I was not worth it anymore .
Yet another line of my profile faltered ,if I am determined to do something I rarely end up being miles away from it.

For minors 2, after good enough realization, where I would stand, on studying the way it had been in Minor 1,I had improved on all aspects, studied well enough for it and was well enough determined to conquer it. But fate didn't extend its hand and I am quite sure ,neither would it again in these 5 years. The papers where I thought, I had performed quite well, the results spoke something else ,it were worse than Minor 1. Another property of mine,(getting marks as much as estimated) started looking nonsense now, for now all I evaluated was approximately twice the marks I got . For now ,determination with hardwork wasn't paying off and after days of frustration following these marks and the case of the lost bag ,I broke down into tears on that day on being called from my home. I realized still people I relied most for anything were my parents and not these friends, who once did show to bother and even offer full support ,but are the first ones to withdraw in the time of actual need.
However my minor marks read:
MAL 115 - 8.5 /25
CSL 101- 15/40
CYL 110- 43/100
MEL 110- 14.5/40
For sure ,the last marks ,although one of the lowests in class ,was the only one that consoled me ,for I had expected worse of it ,subject being ED. For MAL, my first reaction on leaving examination hall was of about 23 or 24 but slowly by the night I realized I 'd been reduced to 15 already .But not till the handling of the paper had I expected as low as 8.5 ,where class average had been 10.5, 5 marks deducted due to some stupid egoestic reasons by the teacher. CSL ,I knew I didn't perform it that well ,but expectations were better than Minor 1 but what I got was 2 marks lesser than Minor 1. CYL definitely marks were more than last time ,which was a mere 25/100 ,but add to the fact class average was 40 this time and I had expected something around 65. On second evaluation all I realized was places where I had looked for consolatory step grading had been absent and all they contained were big zeroes ,as per IIT system. I had failed myself ,my parents ,my tears weren't stopping and for the first time in these 18 years ,did I weigh an option named 'suicide'.
Surely ,I had been tamed ,I was no longer the same guy ,because shame stopped me to speak anything ,because I knew all I deserved was this.

No comments:

Blog Archive