Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Being Undone by Madness

" Life is like an ocean, the outer you stay on it ,its all easier; you go to the depths you are being pulled inside."
As I moved through to the next semester I realized, my way of thinking had become even more different from others than what it used to be . Literally , I was disliking every act of worthlessness and seeemed to look for a worth in every activity involved ; though I didn't myself know at all what worth I was. As time progressed ,suddenly I realized I was being trapped slowly in this cobweb of madness and shall I continue this way, I would be as good as untraced.

Look's like that's what has happened to those who overthought on such issues -all became mad and that's why world continues to be as it has always been -greedy,selfish and evil. All who came to reform have been taken away from within .And now I realized the intensity of my aim, how tough it could potentially be and where I could be heading.
I felt the harshness of all this going within me ,when the whole wing as an act of blind following and possibly no self respect (none would definitely agree) decided to back up from submitting the assignment 2 on the last date ,because that's what our leading debuggers had decided and they thought- that would get them counted as cooler . (Surely,it did; my wing members ,possibly with the exception of 3 or 4 who did submit, imagine themselves to be the coolest gang here in the institute .The fact is every gang thinks the same about themselves and it is so easy to be cool ,just do nothing and don't study and the society counts you as being awesome. ) I continued with my quest to submit the assignment on time but unfortunately for us poor coders ,it is not something we can do on our own. We need loads of help for debugging and I didn't avail the services for all the 'cool ' gang had exited before midnight to watch a movie ,which they later complained sucks.
I was hating them with each passing moment and consequently the world also;this society even more ,which has been designed such a system so as to count the useful brains as 'geeks' and the remaining 'worthless' ones as 'ímportant' ones .
But as I ate Pradeep's (one of our leading debuggers) heads with these topics ,who quite somehow agrees with my opinions on our trip to Connaught Place ,I realized I was being overcome by madness . Hating those who have 4 more years to play roles in my life is as good as being alone for all these years. And this was just one of those, the madness had magnified .
Now I can't see any person in the same way ,I could have seen them a few months ago. In so many acts of competitiveness ; specially the way IIT has designed it for us to be rivals, and in so many fields other than academics, people seem to tend to ignore how an act is affecting another person directly or indirectly. Now is the stage when everyone is desperate for recognition. And having opened my eyes to this fact ,life has become tougher to lead as I can't see even my room-mates the same way as I used to.
Another aspect I inherited from this madness is my 'short temper'. Destroyed by it ,I have overreacted to every act of their's which they call fun subjected on me.They term it as being 'psyche'. But slowly ,I feel all this madness seperating myself from the wing into a long lasting solitude.

2 comments:

Divyam Singhal said...

why reason behind your love for pradeep... the love wich u dont have for ny1 else in jwala

Siddharth Bhattacharya said...

first of all english is wrong . And the answer is he is the one who can think like I do, I like Tulsyan and Piyush also, some others also like Gainda,Gautam and Vipul. But ya its like I don't feel like discussing my life with them ,either because they are uninterested or because I see them as victims of the system themselves ,

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