Sunday, April 18, 2010

Academics returns to hassle me

Kudos to my carelessness, after a span of about a year I can again feel the pangs of miserable underperformance academically. What’s worse, the constant excuse of having to pursue non-departmental courses can’t be used this time as despite having an excess of Mathematics, I have almost emulated the horrible results of last year. Yes, that’s an excuse maybe I can give. There was an excess. Never mind, I know I was at fault.

My attendance records are a statistical proof of the same. Luckily despite being so careless, I have been iterating counters of absents in every subject. Compared to about 20 absents last semester, I already have absented almost 50 lectures this semester. Forget tutorials, they don’t even enter the picture. There was a decision I needed to make about priorities in life, and funnily I relegated academics below the position it deserved. So a comparison between the classes missed before Minor 1 and after it:

Subject Name ( Classes missed before Minor 1; Classes missed as of 18/4/10) :-

MAL 230 (Rao) : 1 / 9
HUL 239 (IWE) : 2 /8
EEL 308 (Comp Arch) : 0 / 6
MAL 146 (Combi) : 0 / 4
MAL 250 (Probability) : 0 /4
MAL 342 (ADA) : 1/ 14

Though my minor 1 performance wasn’t typically bad, as in some subjects I scored below expectations, in others well above, but there were things I wasn’t content about. Seeing Vipul’s lax attitude to attending classes and academics, despite having tried to inspire him once, I preferred to adapt his model as the classes increasingly seemed redundant boosted by a desire for sleep and a fresh morning, rather than wake up to the Professor’s reprimand for abysmal class performance, conquered my desires. And just then Entrepreneurship Summit, mid-sem break and political season interfered to leave me in a state of no return as with 2 days remaining for the minors, I contemplated the worst preparation of my life. I had a decision to make; yet again I chose the escapist one, though I call it a strategic move. The choice between finishing my political quest and concentrating on academics- and I chose a mixture. That isn’t what is expected of the cream of the nation. Nevertheless, I made that decision.

The situation suggested- with the current preparation and the levels of concentration, there was a slim chance I could score above 30% in any of the subjects. And thus I did what I envied in some of my classmates, their habit of exploiting the lapses in the system. People thought I was joking about missing a minor, until after the papers they found me in the hostel while they were writing the papers. The choice was simple; the scheduling of ADA in between the papers of Humanities and Probability within a day and with an enormous syllabus to cover made it the obvious choice. How unlucky, it was the subject I had liked the most at the end of Minor 1 and see now. Alas, things change and so did this.

I acted ill, got the doctors panicky who asked me to get admitted and I misused my poor physique with an alternating (and mysterious) sequence of burps and fits of cough. It wasn’t tough to acquire a medical certificate in the end, as I had done what I could never have imagined a semester- wait! Maybe even a fortnight- ago. Despite this (strategic) move, my overall performance remained dismal as this was the first time where I couldn’t do something as simple as stating definitions and theorems correctly. Luck played the necessary part to ensure significant portions of papers were from the parts I left.

With a disappointing minor performance and a negative attitude, what was worse was I failed to dwell into the attitude of being a relatively serious student, with my vow of attending classes after the termination of politics, wasn’t as good as the word. It was in these days, I let the counter roll to 14- the maximum allowable limit- in ADA despite promising every night before class to attend the next day’s class. Though it feels freer to be unburdened by the desires of performing well, ironically I am constantly guilty of this attitude. Despite not being an ardent pursuer of CGPA, I know I have done injustice to my interests and let the balance of life shift to one side. I eagerly wait to rediscover myself, the passionate hardworker and a lover of Mathematics.

PS. Though my attitude deteriorated so much towards attendance, Vipul finally became serious and made a huge improvement in his attendance records.

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